When a parent who lives alone is not answering the phone

Rule out the ordinary

• The phone is in a coat, on silent, or out of charge; the landline has been unplugged to stop a nuisance caller
• They are at a neighbour’s, at the shop, or at an appointment you had forgotten
• Try a text, and any second number — a landline and a mobile fail in different ways
• Unless something makes today different, give it a set amount of time before escalating, and decide that amount now rather than in the moment

The second ring: somebody nearby

A neighbour with a key, a building manager, a friend who lives close, a relative in the same town. This is the list to write down in advance, with numbers, and to keep somewhere you can find it from anywhere. Asking somebody to knock is a small favour to ask and a large one to receive.

When to ask for a welfare check

If nobody can reach them and it is out of character, the police non-emergency number will send someone to check. They will ask for the address, a description, any medical conditions, and who holds a key. If there is a reason to think somebody is in immediate danger — a fall, a condition that can turn quickly — call emergency services instead, and do not wait to be certain.

Before the next time

• A key safe by the door with a code you and one other person hold
• A daily check-in at a fixed time, so a missed one is noticed the same day
• An agreement, made together, about what you will do if a call goes unanswered — so it is not a surprise or an intrusion
• If falls are the worry, a personal alarm that is worn and can be pressed

The conversation afterwards

Lead with what you would like to be able to do next time, not with how frightened you were. It is their home and their say, and a plan they have agreed to is one they will go along with; a plan imposed after a scare is one they will quietly work around.